'As a writer, there is always a vulnerability felt when giving your work to someone else to read, but courage is an essential attribute and finding it, along with crafting your writing skills, comes only with practise.' ~ Country Style
'Determined
To Dive' by Emily Davidson
I stopped, nearly in tears due to intense
frustration at how my morning was panning out. I had been attempting to ride my
rental bike back to the dive shop, along the now sandy track, with no success.
The scuba instructor had told me earlier that in order to scuba dive today I
would need a doctors clearance, due to my medical history of panic attacks.
So off I went to the nearest clinic, to
hopefully get the all clear. To my surprise, the clinic was closed. 'Come back
in one hour,' a local man told me. Did I have an hour to wait? No, the scuba
class was meant to start ten mins ago. I got word of another clinic nearby, and
off I rode. Again, the sign on the door was turned to 'closed'. After arriving
at a third clinic, finally some luck. The clinic was open!
I slipped my sandals off at the door,
walked in, and explained to the man who greeted me what I needed. He translated
this for the Indonesian doctor.
'We are worried about you,' was all he
said. They were not able to help, and recommended another doctor five minutes
away. It was at this point that I wondered if I should give up. I pushed that
thought to the back of my mind and got onto my bike once more. DETERMINED
became my word for the day.
I arrived at the fourth clinic sweaty and
flustered. The clinic was open and after explaining the reason for my visit I
was welcomed into a doctors room immediately. The doctor did a thorough
physical examination. He took my blood pressure: all ok. He checked my heart
rate: very fast. He put this down to my history of anxiety. I put it down to
the fact that I had just ridden all over of the island in blistering heat in
the search for a clinic that was a) open and b) able to help me. My day was in
his hands. He explained the risks involved, including cardiac arrest.
'Be very careful' he advised. Although now
quite nervous and unsure of what was to come, I took the doctors advice along
with my signed medical slip and started the journey back to the dive shop.
However my mind was now so frazzled from the mornings events that I took a
wrong turn on the way back and ended up on the opposite side of the island to
the dive shop, now at least an hour late for the 11am class. Not ideal. I
eventually arrived back at the dive shop, my face now the shade of a ripe
tomato.
Scuba diving did not come naturally to me
at first, I had to work hard with the instructors to get used to breathing
underwater and to learn the 'techniques' to help if you get water in your mask
or need to recover your respirator. I thought of a technique my psychologist
from back home taught me which I use to calm myself down when having a panic
attack: breathe in for four seconds, then out for six. After an hour of
practice in the pool, it was time for the real deal: scuba diving in the great
big blue!
Tanks set up and ready to go, I nervously
jumped backwards into the crystal clear water. As soon as we were underwater we
grabbed a rope and started the descent down. Immediately I started to panic. It
was all happening too quickly; it felt too unfamiliar. My breathing was short
and shallow. I signalled our special hand sign (hand over beating chest) to one
of the instructors and she held my hand. I knew in that moment that she was
there for me. I felt my breathing start to steady. I was going to be ok. Still
holding my hand, the instructor led the way to descend down the rope, slowly
this time.
At the bottom of the rope, we entered
another world. The entire Finding Nemo cast were waiting to greet us down
below. The grand finale of our dive was our visit to a spot aptly named 'Turtle
Heaven.' Never have I ever seen turtles so impressive! They were absolutely
huge! I was starting to feel so excited and comfortable with the turtles that I
even let go of the instructors hand for a few minutes. How far I had come! The
instructors indicated it was time to swim to the surface. The light rays
shining down through the water lead the way up.
Upon reaching the surface our excitement
was evident! We all too quickly pulled the respirators out of our mouths so we
could share in the joy of what we had just experienced. On the way back to
shore I thanked the instructors profusely. I simply could not have done it
without them. They congratulated me enthusiastically and said, 'We were just
doing our jobs.' They will never truly know what they did for me that day. Or
maybe they do.
