The Weight of the World

 

This is the most difficult post I have ever written, as it is deeply personal. 

 

 

In early 2014, completely out of the blue and with no clear indication of what was causing them, I started experiencing terrifying vivid dreams almost every night. The nightmares are extremely traumatic to experience, with highly graphic and disturbing content. They are often very violent and threatening in nature. They are very difficult to shake upon waking due to the intensity and frequency of them.  I feel like I've been watching scary movies for 8 hours every time I wake up. Almost every time I sleep, even daytime naps, no matter what the duration. I am tired ALL. THE. TIME. For me, a proper restful sleep is nothing but a memory.

I also suffer from Excessive Daytime Sleepiness and occasional hypnagogic and hypnopompic hallucinations as well (which occur during the transition from wakefulness to sleep just after you head hits the pillow, or during the waking-up process. People report hearing voices, feeling phantom sensations and seeing people or strange objects in their rooms).

After much time spent desperately searching for answers and self-investigating due to clueless and/or unhelpful General Practitioners telling me there was nothing wrong (GRR!), I was eventually diagnosed with Nightmare Disorder by the team at The Sleep Clinic. I had undergone an overnight sleep study which eliminated all other possibilities. 

 

I have to accept that there may be no cure for Nightmare Disorder yet, but I am still searching for ways in which to manage it. Again through time spent self-investigating, I came across the concept of weighted blankets as a treatment for sleep disorders. Despite what the www.neptuneblanket.com.au website promises, I knew there was no real guarantee it would work for me at all – but it was worth a try. 

After all, I’d tried almost everything else: seeing a sleep psychologist (recommended by The Sleep Clinic), yoga, more exercise, a sleep restriction technique, meditation, Image Reversal Therapy, hypnotism, medication, white tea, a red light, blackout curtains, dream catchers, minimising the content of TV and movies I watch... and the list goes on... without any success whatsoever. I have found the symptoms of Nightmare Disorder to be extremely consistent and persistent, occurring every night and causing me much distress. 

Weighted blankets aren’t cheap, but for me even the chance of being able to wake up in the morning and say ‘I had a good night sleep’ was priceless. I wish I could say I no longer wake up feel the weight of the world on my shoulders... but that would be a lie. The blanket has not reduced the frequency of my nightmares, but it has ever so slightly reduced the intensity in which I feel them. The blanket limits my movement, which means less thrashing around and less screaming out. It moulds to my body and mimics a hug, which I’ve found can be a little comforting. 


Although I still feel the weight of the world on my shoulders during and after sleep, I also feel the weight of my blanket... and so far that’s been more beneficial than any other suggested treatment option I’ve had from a health professional for my sleep disorder.